Amparo

Written and Illustrated by Elizabeth Lazcano

Not many people believe in mediums or spirits. I think I might. I hope spirits are real, it makes me feel connected to the ones that I love and have lost. The other day my father called and let me know his wife has a new friend who is a medium. He spoke to her and she let him know that my grandmother was watching over him and was always close by. We both cried on the phone, it was the first time in a long time that we both heard of her as if she were alive again. It was a bittersweet feeling to know she was there, but we couldn’t see or feel her. It made me so happy and I started reminiscing about her. We had some great times together. She was always there for me when I was younger and she was always cracking jokes when we played together. I think she taught me some of my first curse words too (don’t tell my dad). I wish I was able to be there for her when she was older. I regret not visiting her, or seeing her as often as I should have. I was selfish and scared of seeing her in the state that she was. The idea of someone I loved declining was not something I knew how to deal with. I regret all of it, and I hope she knows I do. I hope she can forgive me, and I hope there is an afterlife and she is enjoying it. I hope there is an afterlife so that I could see her again and tell her how sorry I am. I hope she gets to hear me tell her I love her one more time. I was weak and I think I still am when it comes to death, I fear it. I don’t know how to handle it, I just shut down. If there is an afterlife and we get to meet each other one more time I hope I am strong enough by then to be with her. I’m sorry Grandma, I love you. I miss you so much, everything about you. Your laugh, your nicknames, your jokes, walking with you, cooking with you, making puzzles together. I miss everything about you, I wish you were still here.