Summer Lamentation

Written by Ingrid Diaz

Do you regret anything? 

You've been gone close to six months now 

And I'm wondering 

Did you do everything you wanted to be able to do? 

Were you happy? 

Do you regret anything? 

I regret not spending more time with you

I regret not staying and talking the last time i saw you

(How was I supposed to know it would be the last time I would see you alive?) 

I regret not going over more 

And forcing you to tell me your stories 

With your colorful vocabulary

I regret not having more pictures with you

I know we spent a lot of time together

Maybe more than the other adult figures I had in my life

And that I don't need the pictures as proof

That we both existed at the same time

That we were both here at the same time

But i get a funny feeling in my stomach 

A nausea that doesn't want to leave 

And it makes me want to heave up what I ate for dinner

And I can feel the tingly bile trying to make its way out 

But I push 

It 

Down 

And tell myself

I don't regret having you in my life 

No matter how short of time we had 

Because 

Yeah

Pictures would be nice

Videos would be even better 

Because I’m afraid

I’m afraid of forgetting you

I’m afraid my memory will fail me 

Like its done for a good chunk of my childhood 

And I don't want to forget you 

Because you were somehow important to me 

And I hope

To you

I mattered at least a little bit

I regret not spending more time with you 

Do you regret anything?